Baby Holguin - 22 Weeks

Mama knows best. I posted a couple weeks back about my nagging intuition and why I thought we were having a boy. Well, I was right! Our 20 week ultrasound proved it once and for all and it was very clear that a little boy is coming our way this April. Since then we have been thinking about names, nursery ideas, what he will look like, what he will be in to and most of all how excited we are to meet him.

Pregnancy is surreal though. Sometimes I have to sit still, listen, feel and remind myself that my son is growing inside me. The surrealism of it happens when I finally realize he is so close, so attached yet I can’t see him, can’t touch him with my fingertips, can’t smell him or kiss him. Each day, I wake up, start my morning routine, go to work, sit through the day, run to the bus after work, go home, focus on me, my husband or something else. Every once in a while throughout the day, he will remind me he is there with a little kick or movement, however I don’t truly acknowledge him. I just smile and carry on.

This week, for the first time, I stopped. I couldn’t feel him but I knew he was there. I rubbed my belly in the spot I imagined him to be. I sent my thoughts to him, told him I loved him; I noticed how big he has gotten and took extreme joy in it. My son... OUR son is developing by the means of my own body and I don’t even need to take control of it because it’s already happening. All the food I put in my body is nourishing him. The liquid I drink is hydrating him. The resonating bass tones of my husband’s voice are ringing familiarity in his ears. He will be beautiful. Don’t forget. Don’t forget, I tell myself. This moment won’t last forever.

Sometimes I think of the children who have been taken by people who like to play God. I wonder, will that be my child? You can’t ever predict the future of your children, let alone yourself. All you can do is teach them the best you can then watch them fly. My son could live until he is 12 or die at 99 and I have no control over it. What I do have control over though is how I choose to enjoy this moment, right here and right now. I can choose to take a break in this fast paced world and enjoy the life that we have given him thus far. I can choose to sit still, wait for his kicks, then wait for more and more. I can choose to love him before I’ve even met him, vow to give him hugs and kisses for the rest of his life. Fortunately, I have already made the choice. 

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