I texted my husband asap with one of those flippant "I think I might be pregnant" texts, you know the ones that aren't meant to freak anyone out or anything. His response: "Really?". I'm pretty sure both our heart rates spiked at that moment and we weren't able to speak until we got home that night. Neither of us entertained the idea right away but I knew I had to get a test. But just in case Aunt Flow came that night, I waited another day.
Lo and behold, nothing.
On August 22nd, 2012 I went to the Dollar Tree and bought two tests. Yes, they were $1 and according to my doctor, they are as accurate as any other test. I did my best to stay calm. The look in the male cashier's eyes made me uneasy - a look of, "you have a secret and you've been busted!". I rode my bike home and tried to decide what my reaction would be if it was + or -, would I be excited? Upset? Nervous? I couldn't keep the smile off my face, so I pedaled home as quick as I could.
When I got home, Andrew was unusually calm. Well he was calm until I pulled out the test then he practically ripped open the box and read the instructions about three times to make sure it was done perfectly. He "left me to do my business" and attempted to strictly enforce the 3-5 minute wait time. However, I could already see the stick beginning to change the second my urine hit it. He ultimately forced me into the bedroom, forced me to sit down and told me to wait - like a 2 year old in timeout. He studied his watch and counted the seconds. I was so anxious at 2 minutes that I stood up and demanded we look at the test. We both raced to the bathroom, practically shoving each other out of the way as we strained our eyes to get a look at the result. The stick had two boxes, one with a control line that looks like: [ | ] The other box contained the fate of the rest of your life. If the test is positive, the second box will contain another [ | ] and if it's negative then it will be blank.
Our result?
Yep. I bawled.
Andrew enveloped me in his arms and asked why I was crying, out of sheer concern that I was genuinely upset and devastated. I honestly didn't know how I felt at the time. The only way I can explain it is that all my emotions, concerns and thoughts poured out into those tears. They were tears of joy, excitement, anxiety, fear, nervousness and relief. Tears of "how did this happen so fast" and tears of "there is a baby inside me??". I've always imagined being pregnant but have never put it into perspective.
Worry #1 - The Hood to Coast marathon was in two days. Can I run when I'm pregnant? What if I miscarry? Long story short, I ran anyway and everything was fine or else this post wouldn't exist. However, my last leg turned into a nightmare after following a big group up the wrong route. I ended up running 13.8 miles instead of the designated 5.2 miles. Andrew FREAKED OUT. Basically he put a bounty on each staff members head for allowing his wife (and child) to get lost and possibly endure a medical emergency. I was definitely panicking but made it out ok, just exhausted. The next step was to relax for the next couple weeks and let everything settle in.
Worry #2 - Where is the instruction manual?? I know nothing about bearing, birthing and raising a child.
However, today is September 26th, 2012 and we just heard our baby's heartbeat for the first time -- I cried, again. It was beating so fast and so steady, working hard to sustain it's tiny body within my own body. It's unreal but so real. A microscopic fertilized egg has innately multiplied to become numerous cells which have multipled exponentially to create an arm, a hand, an eyelid, a brain, a heart. A beating heart. Life is a miracle and this child is already loved more that he/she can imagine.
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